Republican Scouting Report

The kids are back in school and summer is coming to a close. This can only mean one thing - Congress is back in session. Yeah, can you feel the excitement?

Okay, so I’m a geek, but honestly, I feel like Rush Limbaugh looking at a bottle of painkillers. There is so much coming up in the next few weeks that I just don’t know what to do with myself. Supreme Court nominees, base closings, joint resolutions, congratulating the students of Howard J. Smith Elementary school for their fund raising efforts to fight cancer (no really, read the Congressional Quarterly, I ain’t making this shit up).

The real thriller developing in the Chocolate City, though, is the midterm elections coming up next year. Midterms are kinda like pre-season football - do poorly and you’re off the team. Do well and not only to you make the team, but the really elite get the chance to compete for an extended contract two years later as president. But since most people care as much about the midterms as they do about Tom Cruise’s Scientology kick, I figured that we’d start with a scouting report for those that could make a run in 2008. To avoid boring you all to tears for hours on end this will be a two-part piece with the focus this week being Republicans.

For the first time in recent memory the incumbent V.P. won’t be running for the top spot following his predecessors departure. Besides having a ticker about as strong as a Vikings lineman, Cheney seems more likely to take over as the Emperor from Star Wars than the President of the United States. So, Chaney’s out and that is going to leave the Republicans with a field of contenders but no real heavyweight to bring the title home. Or so the casual observer would think.

Those really paying attention though know that there are no less than 17 leading members of the GOP that could stake a claim and make a run for the gold. We’ll focus here on the five most likely to run, since half my readers already gave up somewhere around the Tom Cruise reference. In no particular order here are the faces to watch in the GOP over the next 18 months …

Rudolph Giuliani. While he has repeatedly waved off the idea and has a rather shady history in terms of associations and donors, Giuliani could easily run the table and the rumors seem to be more than just whispers at this point. He’s a moderate who could win broad base independent support, plus no one could attack him on fiscal responsibility or National Security. While every other politician in the country was being whisked away to safety on 9/11, Rudy was standing at Ground Zero with a walkie-talkie performing the duties of a Field Marshall during the 1st battle in this new era of war. In case you couldn’t tell, I like this guy a lot and hope he runs. He would keep the Republicans focused on issues that actually affect our daily lives and it would be awesome to hear chants of “Rudy, Rudy, Rudy” like in that movie. You know the one where the scrawny kid played football for Notre Dame. What was that movie called again?

Bill Frist. Good ol’ papa Frist is a definite contender in the party of Lincoln. He’s got name recognition, a great fundraising organization and the billy club he’s used to keep all the other Senators in line all these years. His position in the Senate gives him an instant bully pulpit (just add issues). He appears to be stealing a page from Clinton’s (the one without breast) playbook by moving to the center early on issues that are sure to matter in the Republican primary. His recent reversal on stem cell research is a prime example. He hasn’t been as active as others during the Congressional recess in terms of gaining exposure, preferring instead to spend time at home in Tennessee. But, make no mistake, he realizes that this is the calm before the storm and is taking advantage of it to center his chi before he heads out on the battlefield.

Chuck Hagel. Why would a middle-weight Republican Senator from Nebraska suddenly pop up on the radar all over the country as one of the most vocal opponents of Bush’s handling of the Iraq War? It’s the polls, stupid. Hagel, while unfamiliar to many Americans has himself firmly entrenched in Republican party politics. He knows that the War in Iraq is going to be an issue in 2008 and knows from looking at polls which side he needs to fall on. He’s taking his vacation doing interviews and establishing his foreign relation bona fides by visiting Russia and Libya. So far people seem to be responding, but by breaking with his party this early, he could wind up like Kobe, trying the pass to himself and wondering why there isn’t a big man inside to stuff the ball when the perimeter gets shut down.

Mike Huckabee. Never heard of him? Good, because he’s going to try the impossible and be the dark horse to pull out the upset. In fact, being a Governor from the south and little known to America has been a bonus in the past, albeit usually on the Democratic side of the house (think Carter and Clinton). He’s written a book on diet and exercise that lets him take the Democrats issue of health and by all accounts he has been a successful and well-liked Governor. He’ll rely heavily on his success in fixing Clinton’s broken state to mobilize the Republican base, but has little else on his agenda to propel him into the center ring of the upcoming circus. His best bet will be to lay low for the next 18 to 20 months while the big boys hammer the hell out of each other and he might just slip through on the last lap of turn four at Matinsville to take the cup.

George Allen. This guy has the connections and the name. We’ve had at least three presidents named George and Allen could be the fourth. Already well-known in the party as a current Senator and former Governor, he recently headed up the Republican Senatorial Committee that let him make allies and introduced himself to the party faithful all over the country. There are whispers out there that with Cheney out of the running, Allen could get the nod from the Bush camp that would make him an instant contender.

If you made it this far, you might want to consider playing QB for the Eagles. I hear they could use someone with a little endurance. I could keep going with names like McCain (yes, he’ll run again), Pataki, Condoleezza Rice (not in a million years) and Santorum, but there are more important things in life and I’m only six games into my current season on Madden ’06. So make sure you stop by the Trashcan next week for my run down of the Dems. Yes, Virginia, there are candidates other than Hillary running in the Democratic Primary.

Brock Tanner does his research for this column in his underwear. He can be found throwing half-full beer cans at the television every time a Fox News Alert plays and its Greta Van Susteren talking about someone "missing." Contact him at brocktanner@hobotrashcan.com.