Just Friends – Tara

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Name: Tara
Age: 26
Sign: Aqua-baby

Tara, a self-described “pitbull in platform boots,” is an Amazonian force to be reckoned with. By day, she works in prospect and fund-raising research for a Boston school. By night, this Irish lass is likely to be found pouring back pints in a local dive bar, making out with boys ferociously or hanging out with any number of her hep cat friends. In her free time, she paints, draws, works on musical projects and devises evil schemes to take over the world, one country at a time. It’s a shame Joel doesn’t have a shot in hell with her.

1. How long have you and Joel been friends?

Forever and a day, it seems.

2. What do you think of him?

He’s an amazing guy – cute, smart, total firecracker in the bedroom. I swear. Honest to god.

2b. No, what do you really think of him?

Really? I think he sucks, big time. But don’t tell him I said so.

3. If Joel gave you a gun with three bullets (and Leonardo DiCaprio was already dead), what three celebrities would you shoot and why?

Paris Hilton, so I can stop seeing her smarmy bony ass everywhere – at least if she did something worth being famous for, I might understand it all; Tom Cruise, just to put him out of his misery and Jessica Simpson – get rid of her before her fame slips even more, and she becomes even more of a joke than she already is … and she just makes me want to punch her in the ovaries.

4. What would be the perfect way to spend a day with Joel (assuming he allows you to hang with him)?

Playing shuffleboard and drinking cheap beers.

5. What are five random words that describe Joel?

Awe-inspiring, shiny, ingenious, polished and pink

6. Joel just really pissed you off. You have ten seconds to tell him off. What do you say?

Go suck a Bactrian camel’s dick, Joel.

7. Can Joel borrow five bucks?

Only if he does a little dance for me. And if he pays me back tomorrow.