Clingy guys / How many dates does it take?

Once upon a time, I went on one blind date with a fellow I met through an online dating service.

We went to a bar. He was nice - very apologetic and a wee bit patronizing for a first date … but kind. We didn’t have much in common, aside from the fact that he was Jewish and I happen to have a thing for Semitic good looks. So, we talked a lot about him being Jewish, mostly because his mother had recently given him the “Okay!” to dating gentiles. Everything was going well, even when he told me about how he collected sweaters, and even when he cleared his throat, half-shrugged and said, “Yeah, my mom said she doesn’t care if I date someone who’s not Jewish … but you’re not German, are you?”

Yikes. Let’s see … I’m 5’10” and my last name is Weinert. Wein-ert. Duh.

However, that was the extent to which the first date was exciting. After those first thirty seconds, it was just plain dull. He talked a lot, giving me an unsure glance every couple of minutes to assure himself that I was still interested. I let him talk, partially so that I could learn a lot about him, but also because it would give me the upper hand in dumping him, if necessary.

Although there were no sparks, I went on a second date with him. I wanted to give him a fair shake, and I thought he was just overwhelmed by the first date jitters. I ignored my repulsion at the numerous messages he left on my phone trying to confirm for the second date. I figured, he had my address, so I didn’t really have a choice to not show.

The second date was ... unmemorable. Which to me equals BAD. I invited him to a friend's Festivus party, where he kept enthusiastically telling me that he was good at things like ping-pong, hula hoop and other feats of strength, but when asked to perform, he just wasn't good at all.

A side note – I like my men cocky, not arrogant. There’s a difference. Cocky men brag, but they can do it. Arrogant men brag but rarely perform well.

Anyways, after the party, he kept asking what I wanted to do – which is not good form for a second date. If a guy can’t decide what to do on the second date, he won’t be able to decide what to do for your twenty-fifth wedding anniversary. He obviously didn’t want to do something I wouldn’t enjoy, so I finally suggested dancing, just to get him off my case. I figured if we could get closer to the my place, I could just have him drop me off … and I eventually suggested a club very near to my place.

We’re nearing my place, and somewhere along the path, I get the strong impression he's looking for a relationship, with anyone, but it needs to be soon. He’s obviously hoping that it’s a mutual connection, but alas! So I faked sick, had him drop me off, dodged both his attempts at a kiss and figured I wouldn't return his calls.

Having not returned his unrelenting phone calls for a full week, I logged on to my computer to check my online dating service account for new prospects. To my chagrin, an IM from him pops up. Shit.

So, since I’m a big fan of Sex and the City, I say, "I'm just not that into you," figuring it would be a gentle way to let him down. But alas, it starts a whole slew of questions and comments, ranging from, "I thought we had a good time" to "What was I, an experiment to you?", "You didn't give me a chance" and my personal favorite, "You were going to tell me THIS way?"

Blah. I hate clingy guys. We went on two dates, and I ducked out of the second one without letting him kiss me. This should be obvious.

If desperation in women is unattractive, it’s ten times worse in men. Clingy men are rare, but when a guy flaunts his neediness, it’s overwhelming! A sure sign that you are needy? If you feel yourself glancing at your date for approval about your sweater collection, you might be needy. If you call someone three times as often as they call you, you might be needy. If you want a relationship or a solid, well-thought out reason why someone isn’t interested in you after only two dates, you are probably needy.

But there’s good news! Needy plus needy equals happy! All you have to do is find someone with similar traits.

It’s just not me.

Ann Marie Weinert is a Chicago based fashion and pin-up model, as well as Internet radio host for http://annmarieandkaty.com. More of her work can be seen at http://annmarieweinert.com.