Joel Murphy

Being single on Valentine’s Day has its ups and downs.

On the bright side, I’ll save money not having to buy candy or flowers and I won’t have to deal with chaotic mall crowds as I attempt to build-a-bear for the one I love. Plus, I don’t have to go see Katherine Heigl’s latest “movie” in the theater.

But, on the downside, it means that February 14th will be a 24-hour reminder that I am all alone. And as the years go by, the odds become increasingly likely that I’m going to end up some sad old man in Crocs and a house coat peering out my windows to see if the neighborhood kids sent another damn football into my backyard or keeping an eye on that shifty mailman who I just don’t quite trust for some inexplicable reason.

Instead of focusing on the loneliness though, I’m going to forget about women altogether on February 14. If Leslie Knope can have “Gal-entine’s Day,” I figure I’m entitled to spend the holiday focusing on sparking a new “Bro-mance.” So like I did in 2010, this year I’m breaking out a list of my top five man-crushes, in hope one of them will want to bro out with me next Tuesday.

5. Tom Colicchio

Why he’s a man-crush: As the founder of Craft Restaurants and the head judge on Top Chef, Tom Colicchio knows good food. And everyone knows that the fastest way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. His take-charge attitude and his knowledge of the culinary arts make him a perfect bro to have around.

How we would spend Valentine’s Day: Eating great food at a five-star restaurant and then critiquing every minute detail of the meal. Reminiscing about when Tom had hair.

It might get awkward if … he accidentally called me Padma.

4. Joss Whedon

Why he’s a man-crush: Joss Whedon should be every nerd’s man-crush. Firefly is one of my favorite shows of all time. Serenity is one of the five movies I’d want with me on a desert island. Dr. Horrible’s Sing-Along Blog was funny, touching and a nice poke in the eye to the studio system. Plus, he directed The Avengers which, from the trailers surfacing lately, looks incredibly bad ass.

How we would spend Valentine’s Day: Having some of those trademark witty conversations Whedon is know for. Getting into bar fights and having an undersized, attractive female show up to win the fight for us. Watching Serenity and getting my own personal director’s commentary.

It might get awkward if … he tried to kill me off like that son of a bitch does with his beloved characters.

3. Neil Patrick Harris

Why he’s a man-crush: NPH has been unstoppably awesome in recent years. His cameos in the Harold and Kumar films have been legen-wait for it-dary. He completely nailed the lead role in the aforementioned Dr. Horrible and every other musical he has been cast in. And Barney Stinson is increasingly becoming the only watchable part of the ever-declining How I Met Your Mother.

How we would spend Valentine’s Day: We’d suit up and go see a Broadway show.

It might get awkward if … he’s actually anything like the Neil Patrick Harris from the Harold and Kumar films.

2. Bruce Willis

Why he’s a man-crush: Two words: Die Hard.

How we would spend Valentine’s Day: The possibilities are endless. We could kick off our shoes, strip down to our undershirts and climb through the AC ducts. We could hit up a local karaoke bar and have Bruce show off his singing chops. Or maybe we’d just spend the afternoon prank calling Ashton Kutcher.

It might get awkward if … I tried to convince him I knew the twist ending of The Sixth Sense the whole time.

1. Morgan Freeman

Why he’s a man-crush: Morgan Freeman’s voice is like velvet and he’s one of the greatest actors of our time. Whether he’s playing Joe Clark in Lean on Me, Red in Shawshank Redemption or God in Bruce Almighty, you know he’s going to give you an amazing performance and he’s going to sound damn good doing it.

How we would spend Valentine’s Day: Cuddling up under a blanket with some hot cocoa watching March of the Penguins.

It might get awkward if … he kept telling me how much he missed Andy.

Joel Murphy is the creator of HoboTrashcan, which is probably why he has his own column. He loves pugs, hates Jimmy Fallon and has an irrational fear of robots. You can contact him at murphyslaw@hobotrashcan.com.

Similar Posts:

• Murphy’s Law – Top five Valentine’s Day man-crushes
• Murphy’s Law – Do it for Mal
• Hobo Radio – An All American Valentine’s Day
• Outside of the In-Crowd – Valentine’s Day: It’s not out to get you
• Guest Blog Post – Hungry for more Top Chef

Joel Murphy

Charles Carmichael is a hard man to kill. On the show Chuck, The Ring, Daniel Shaw and Alexei Volkoff have all tried to take out the lovable spy. And in real life, the powers that be at NBC have almost canceled the show more times that you can count. Yet somehow, after five years and 91 episodes, it all comes to an end tonight.

When you stop to think about it, it’s pretty amazing we’ve made it to this point. After season two, every episode we’ve gotten has been a gift. It was only thanks to a grassroots campaign by dedicated fans who all went to Subway en mass to show their support that we got a season three. (Chuck himself, Zachary Levi even served sandwiches to patrons on that day.) The show has been on the brink of cancelation ever since. The writers have had to come up with a variety of midseason and season finales that could serve as a series finale if the show didn’t get renewed. (By some counts, the show has had five different “series” finales.)

But tonight the show gets what it deserves and it gets something most shows don’t, which is to go out on its own terms. This season, the writers went in knowing it would be their last and they were able to gear these final 13 episodes toward one final, definitive end. And they’ve come up with something great. Chuck’s final battle, which will play out in a two-hour finale tonight, is against the love of his life Sarah Walker, who has the Intersect in her head and no recollection of her relationship with her husband.

While I’m excited to see how it all plays out tonight, I can definitely say the show will be missed. I’ve written about the show at length over the years during various “Save Chuck campaigns” and also I’ve had the good fortune to interview cast members Mark Christopher Lawrence (Big Mike), Scott Krinsky (Lester) and Bonita Friedericy (General Diane Beckman). I’ve loved the show’s quirky blend of comedy and action and I’ve always thought it had a surprising amount of heart in an era when television often seems quite cynical and bleak.

The show has always felt to me like a throwback to a long gone era of television. It feels one of those campy shows from the 70s or 80s where an everyman is given some type of gift (like an alien supersuit, a talking car or six-million dollars worth of bionic implants). But what I’ve enjoyed most is that while the show has always been a bit silly and ridiculous, it has also built this complex mythology that has unfolded over the past five seasons, revealing why Chuck Bartowski was chosen to have the Intersect in his head and what the powerful database can do if it ends up inside the wrong person.

What I’ve also really loved seeing is the evolution of Sarah Walker and how it has paralleled Chuck’s in this really fascinating way. While Chuck’s journey has been from compassionate, brilliant slacker to a formidable spy (who now can get by on his own without the Intersect as a crutch), Sarah has gone from a detached, unstoppable spy to someone who relies on and empathizes with those she cares about. Her decision to retire from active field duty so she can raise a family with her husband doesn’t seem like a cop out, it’s an ending this show has earned five years in.

I’ve also enjoyed the expanded cast of characters they’ve given us. Sarah is a great character in her own right, but watching her and Chuck together has been a joy (and I’m not someone who generally enjoys “Will they or won’t they?” relationships on shows.) Seeing Adam Baldwin, who I loved so much as Jayne Cobb, sink his teeth into a role as juicy as John Casey has been a lot of fun too. (He can convey so much with one simple growl.) Morgan Grimes, who was a bit of a problematic character early on in the show, has evolved into a really great sidekick and has taken over the role Bartowski had early on of “guy in way over his head in the spy world.” Eli and Awesome are both such perfect supporting characters. Jeff and Lester have provided some fantastic comedic moments, though they are best utilized in small doses. And Diane Beckman’s personal life has proven to be a fertile ground for comedy.

I’ve also enjoyed the high profile guest stars they’ve been able to snag. My Scott Bakula man-crush knowns no bounds thanks to his role on Quantum Leap. Having him play Chuck’s dad is such perfect casting. I honestly can’t think of anyone else who would have been a better fit. Having Linda Hamilton as his mom turned out to be wonderful casting as well. And the role of Alexei Volkoff became one of my favorite things Timothy Dalton has ever done and I’m a big fan of his work.

So thanks so much to the cast and crew for bringing these characters to life. Thanks so much to the writers for building the complex mythology of this show and giving us all moments like the Jeffster “Mr. Roboto” montage, Chuck outmaneuvering Volkoff in their showdown inside the cabin and everything involving the Giant Blonde She-Male of Thailand. And finally, thanks to NBC for letting this show go out on its own terms. (Now do the same thing for Community.)

It’s been a great five years. And while I will definitely miss this show, I’m happy that they have given us 91 episodes of this quirky, fun little show. It will certainly live on in my DVD collection for years to come.

Joel Murphy is the creator of HoboTrashcan, which is probably why he has his own column. He loves pugs, hates Jimmy Fallon and has an irrational fear of robots. You can contact him at murphyslaw@hobotrashcan.com.

Similar Posts:

• Murphy’s Law – Saving Chuck
• Outside of the In-Crowd – Chuck me
• Murphy’s Law – Dreaming of a world without dream sequences
• Murphy’s Law – Good luck, Chuck
• One on One with Scott Krinsky

Joel Murphy

One of the great things about this country is our constitutionally-protected right to peacefully assemble and to voice a dissenting opinion when we feel like things need to change. The 1960s and 70s are practically defined by protesting (and free love and lots of drugs, but that’s beside the point), which lead to shifts in the nation’s values and our citizen’s freedoms.

It’s starting to seem that protesting is a lost art though. With two notable protests going on today (one that has been going on for quite some time), the spirit of the 60s and 70s may be alive and well, but the message is getting muddled.

If you have been following the news lately or if you have gone to sites like Reddit or Wikipedia this morning, you have no doubt noticed that there is an “Internet blackout” taking place to protest the controversial “Stop Online Piracy Act” and “Protect IP Act,” two proposed bits of legislation that – if I’ve been following this correctly – give the government the power to knock down the door of everyone with a website that they disagree with, punch our grandmothers in the mouth and lock us all up in a windowless cell on whatever remote island they are using now that Guantanamo Bay is shut down.

SOPA and PIPA certainly sound like scary stuff that could open the door to widespread Internet censorship. I’m glad some of the big names out there are doing their part to spread awareness. I just wonder if shutting down their sites is really the right way to go about it. I’m not sure anyone in Congress knows what Reddit actually is, so I somehow doubt they’ll even notice that the site is out of commission today. All they are really doing is punishing their readers, who would no doubt side with them anyway, and costing themselves quite a bit of money in lost advertising revenue.

And while certainly more people use Wikipedia, I’m not sure how much good shutting it down will do either. Sure, there are probably quite a few high school students cursing their inability to do all of their “research” for that paper that’s due tomorrow at school that they haven’t even started yet and probably a few celebrities who won’t be able to go on and see what questionably-sourced things people are saying about them, but I think we will all survive one day without the site.

One site that could have screwed us all by shutting down is Google, but they instead elected to simply black out their logo and provide a link to information about SOPA and PIPA. I think this is actually the best way to go about things. If everyone redirected their homepages today to give people information on how to let their Congressman know they are displeased with these bills, that would do a world of good. They could even do it all month or until these bills actually died, instead of just for one day.

[I am far too lazy to figure out how to make my site do that, but I will say you can go here to learn more information about these bills and to find out how to contact your local representative.]

Shutting your site down to stop the government from being able to shut down websites seems counterproductive. And it just seems like the people being punished the most are the regular people who use your sites every day. We should figure out better ways to organize the masses and stop this thing. Or, at the very least, we should have gotten Twitter in on this shutdown plan so that shady Congressmen couldn’t send photos of their dongs to women for a day. Then maybe we would have hit them where it hurts.

Still, while I think today’s protest is a bit misguided, I do think these sites are doing a better job than the Occupy Wall Street crowd. What started as a mass gathering to voice displeasure over corporate greed has turned into a smelly group of homeless people hanging out in tents and dancing in drum circles. And now, as the weather gets colder and they deal with rat infestations and other hygiene problems, it seems like they are punishing themselves way more than they are sticking it to the man.

Also, what exactly is their end game? I know that they think the class system in this country is out of whack (which it is), but what exactly are they hoping to have happen? When will they know that they’ve won and be able to go back to their homes? Like I said before, I think the message has been muddled a bit somewhere along the way.

Besides, even if they had a clear goal, how exactly is the Occupy movement supposed to make a difference? I’m pretty sure most of the one percent are highly skilled at blocking out dirty homeless people on the street, so why would they pay any attention to these crowds? It’s not like they are showing up in front of country clubs or on the docks where these guys keep their private yachts. When’s the last time a corporate fat cat actually hung out in a public park anyway?

I think, in both cases, that these protestors hearts are in the right place. I respect their right to voice displeasure in things that piss them off and I think that in both cases they have valid arguments. I just think their actual methods of protesting need a little work.

But, if you disagree with me, I certainly understand. I just ask that if you have a problem with anything I said in this column, that you object to it by shutting off your Internet connection and heading out to a public park somewhere far away from me.

Joel Murphy is the creator of HoboTrashcan, which is probably why he has his own column. He loves pugs, hates Jimmy Fallon and has an irrational fear of robots. You can contact him at murphyslaw@hobotrashcan.com.

Similar Posts:

• Murphy’s Law – Let’s give them something to Google about
• Murphy’s Law – Google must be stopped
• Hobo Radio 153 – Whatever happened to Jeeves?

Joel Murphy

As anyone who has followed this column already knows, I spent a significant amount of time in my formative years listening to The Don and Mike Show. With radio, even more than television, you create a bond with the shows that you listen to and the people you welcome into your home or into your car begin to feel like family. So perhaps it’s fitting that Road Trip 2011, the newly released DVD from the Mike O’Meara Show, feels like watching a cherished friend’s home movie.

This is the DVD’s biggest strength and its biggest weakness. On the one hand, the film does a great job capturing what it’s like to hang out with Mike, Buzz Burbank, Robb Spewak, Oscar Santana and the rest of the crew as they drive 1800 miles from Manassas, Virginia to Iowa City, Iowa to do a live broadcast from a Hawkeyes game. You get a sense of the real camaraderie these men have with each other and all of the silliness that takes place when they are in the same room. However, like most home movies, you also get a lot of excess footage that isn’t very fun to watch if you weren’t there to experience it the first time.

The best moment are the ones where the guys are joking around with one another, busting Robb’s balls for wearing “mom jeans” or busting business manager Marc Ronick’s balls for leaving their company credit card behind at a gas station, causing them to have to turn their RV around (and then somehow still leaving the card again at a restaurant). There is also a great scene late in the film that simply involves Robb joking about Halloween candy.

Fans of the gang’s infamous drunk shows will also enjoy all of inebriated shenanigans that take place on the trip. Quite a lot of the film involves the boys drinking and looking for trouble, including at a fan gathering at a German restaurant and inside an empty karaoke bar. These outing also lead to some interesting interpersonal conflicts – as the first gathering causes Buzz to get annoyed in the most polite and Midwestern way possible as the gang get wildly behind schedule and another outing has Oscar down seven cocktails in record time and then abruptly head back to the hotel without any real explanation.

One thing the film is lacking are more “talking head” interviews – the sort of explanatory moments we’ve become accustomed to on reality shows and documentaries where a person looks directly into the camera and gives the viewer background information. It would have been nice to see Oscar explain why he wandered off in a talking head or hear Mike’s thoughts on Buzz’s failed effort to keep everyone on schedule. The movie’s only attempt to provide a “talking directly into the camera” moment comes at the end of the film, when each person sums up their overall experience on the trip. However, there is unfortunately so much background noise during the interviews that it’s very difficult to hear what everyone is saying.

Which is actually part of the film’s biggest overall problem – the editing and composition of it. An outside company was used to film the trip and to edit the footage together, though it’s hard to tell that from the finished product. The shots are often poorly conceived. Most of the footage inside the RV comes from a camera set on top of a counter. Not only does this limit what the viewer is able to see (which turns out is mostly a lot of Robb and Mike seated next to each other in the back of the RV and not very much Buzz, who sits in the front seat navigating), but quite often random items like food wrappers or laptops have been left on the counter sitting in front of the camera. There are also a lot of oddly chosen angles throughout the film, including quite a few shots taken from waist level shooting up, which is not really flattering for anyone involved.

More care should have been given to the editing too. Scene often go on too long and transitional moments which could have easily been conveyed through jump cuts are shown in their entirety. (For example: when Mike decides to get a musician to play “Happy Birthday” for Robb – even though it isn’t actually Robb’s birthday – we see Mike talking to the guy and then their entire slow walk over to the table instead of just cutting over to Mike and the musician at the table.) There are also moments like the aforementioned karaoke outing that overstay their welcome. We really don’t need to see snippets of every single song performed, especially when one of the bonus features is additional karaoke footage.

Speaking of the bonus features, the second disc is where this DVD really shines. In addition to the karaoke stuff, there are three different hour-long podcasts included – one from KCJJ studios, one from their hotel room and the live broadcast from the Hawkeyes game. These three shows are where the gang really shine. Having heard these guys play off of each other on the radio for years, it’s really enjoyable to actually get a visual to go with it. Seeing them in the room together doing a show is sure to be a real treat for any longtime fans.

So while a few technical difficulties keep this from being an instant classic, I do think that the show’s most devoted fans – the ones who consider Mike and the gang part of their family – will enjoy this two-disc set. And hopefully this will lead to more DVDs from the gang, like the long awaited sequel to Sex, Pies and Videotapes.

Joel Murphy is the creator of HoboTrashcan, which is probably why he has his own column. He loves pugs, hates Jimmy Fallon and has an irrational fear of robots. You can contact him at murphyslaw@hobotrashcan.com.

Similar Posts:

• Murphy’s Law – The Mike O’Meara Show (and common sense) fall victim to WJFK
• One on One with Buzz Burbank

Joel Murphy

If current Internet speculation is to be believed, Christopher Nolan will do what supervillians have dreamed of for over 70 years now. Nolan will kill the Batman.

For those of you who are only familiar with Bane as the monosyllabic henchman from the awful Batman and Robin, allow me to give you some quick background. Bane, which Tom Hardy plays in The Dark Knight Rises, was created in the early 90s as part of the “Knightfall” storyline. Bane wore down Bruce Wayne emotionally and physically, then lifted him up over his head and broke his back, paralyzing him and forcing him to find someone else to don the cape and cowl.

So, the theory goes that in this film, Bane will kill Bruce Wayne, but Batman will live on. People believe that Joseph Gordon-Levitt, who plays a cop named John Blake (a character that doesn’t exist in the comics) will end up taking over as the Caped Crusader. So Batman continuing on after Bruce Wayne’s death will be the “rise” that is alluded to in the title.

(For the most in-depth version of this theory, you can read this article on Cracked. It’s an interesting read, though it offers flimsy evidence and takes quite a few big leaps to make its case.)

I can see the logic behind this theory. And certainly, the poster that came out featuring Bane walking away from a crushed Batman cowl with the tagline: “The legend ends” ads fuel to the fire. So I understand where the idea is coming from.

But it’s not going to happen.

I do think Bane will break Bruce Wayne in one way or another. Unlike Joel Schumacher, Nolan actually puts thought into the characters he uses. He picked Scarecrow in the first film because it was all about fear. Harvey Dent was in the second one because he wanted to show a good man – and Bruce Wayne’s only hope to ever live in a world that didn’t need Batman – destroyed by The Joker. And the Joker himself represented escalation, the criminal world’s response to Batman’s existence.

Even though Nolan is notoriously tight-lipped about plot points, he did give a glimpse into how he views the character in an interview with the LA Times.

“With Bane, the physicality is the thing,” Nolan said. “With a good villain you need an archetype, you know, you need the extreme of some type of villainy. The Joker is obviously a particular archetype of diabolical, chaotic anarchy and has a devilish sense of humor. Bane, to me, is something we haven’t dealt with in the films. We wanted to do something very different in this film. He’s a primarily physical villain, he’s a classic movie monster in a way — but with a terrific brain. I think he’s a fascinating character. I think people are going to get a kick out of what we’ve done with him.”

Nolan didn’t pick Bane because he liked the luchador mask and the giant muscles. He picked him for his physicality and his intelligence. And I do believe he’s bringing him in to destroy Bruce Wayne in one way or another.

(And if you want my own nerdy speculation, I think the shot of the armed prisoners escaping from a hole in the prison wall in the new trailer points to the Knightfall storyline. In the comics, Bane broke all of the supervillians out of Arkham Asylum in order to wear Batman down and to study his fighting style from afar. I think the prison break will be the film’s version of that.)

But I think assuming Bruce Wayne will die is taking a big leap. Sure, Nolan does seem to like dark or unexpected endings and I could certainly see how the symmetry of having the third film end with a new man taking the mantle would appeal to him. But I don’t think it’s what he has in store for us.

One reason is because the only precedent in the comics for killing off Batman comes from a recent storyline written by Grant Morrison. Morrison is the Alan Ball of comics – he constantly does the opposite of what you would expect him to do (like killing Batman, giving him a son and having Bruce Wayne reveal to the world that he’s bankrolling Batman’s operation) just to be shocking. He doesn’t make logical choices and his stories show a fundamental lack of understanding of what makes Batman tick and why the character appeals to people. Frankly, I just think Nolan is too smart and too good of a storyteller to do anything that Morrison has done.

I think Nolan gets what Bruce Wayne means to people. He’s avoided Robin and all of the other various sidekicks and hangers-on. He killed off Rachel. He’s already shown the loneliness and the tragedy that comes from being Batman. After all he’s been through, the character deserves a better ending than to die tragically.

I think this film will be about showing why Gotham will always need Batman and why Bruce Wayne will always need him too. I’m betting this film does go to some dark places. Wayne is probably broken. Maybe Alfred is even killed off. But I don’t think Bruce Wayne will die.

But more than that, I just think that whatever Nolan has in store for us, it’s undoubtedly completely different and much better than what we all imagine going in. I remember being skeptical about his casting of Heath Ledger as The Joker, then completely blown away the first time I saw him on screen. Whatever Nolan has planned for this film, I expect it to be amazing to watch unfold.

Though even if Bruce Wayne is killed, it still won’t be as depressing to watch as Batman and Robin.

Joel Murphy is the creator of HoboTrashcan, which is probably why he has his own column. He loves pugs, hates Jimmy Fallon and has an irrational fear of robots. You can contact him at murphyslaw@hobotrashcan.com.

Similar Posts:

• Murphy’s Law – A dark and stormy knight
• Hobo Radio 72 – Bruce Wayne, 1938 – 2009
• Hobo Radio 166 – Second-guessing Christopher Nolan
• Murphy’s Law – One Shot: Batman: The Brave and The Bold
• Murphy’s Law – I’m Batman