The observer effect

There is a phenomenon in science known as the "observer effect." If you watch an electron under a microscope, the electron will change its path because your observing light or radiation disrupts it. If you watch an animal in the wild, it will act differently than if you weren't there. The idea is that you can never truly observe anything in its natural habitat - the simple fact that you are there changes the outcome.

This phenomenon applies to people, as well. If you know your boss is watching or if the hot blonde over at the bar is eye-fucking you, you are going to act differently than you normally would. This is why "reality TV" doesn't actually capture reality (well, one of the reasons anyway - the clever editing and outright scripting of scenes done by the makers of the shows doesn't help either). People act differently when cameras are on them or when they know they are being watched. That's why everyone on a reality show is one dimensional and fake - they're acting the way they think they're supposed to.

So imagine what happens when you are constantly being watched. Imagine if the cameras are always on you. What if your entire life was a reality show? What if every time you went outside in your bathrobe to pick up your newspaper or went to a club or went grocery shopping, someone was there with a camera recording your every move? You would never be able to relax; you would constantly feel the need to be "on." You would always be performing.

Well that's what life is like for a modern-day celebrity. Celebrities have always given up a certain amount of privacy in exchange for fame and fortune, but never to this degree. We are a celebrity-obsessed society and completely oversaturated with media. As a result, there are hundreds of celebrity gossip magazines, television show and Internet sites (including the always tastefully done Hobo Hollywood) and more are popping up daily. Plus, thanks to modern technology, any schmuck with a camera phone can snap a photo of a celebrity out in public.

So what happens when your entire life is lived under a microscope? What are the prolonged consequences of the observer effect? Can someone become so used to performing every time they are out in public that they forget how to be themselves?

I think the answer to the last question is yes. And I think it's the reason celebrities are acting so crazy these days. They have forgotten what normal is like. They're always playing a character. It's why Tom Cruise snapped and jumped on Oprah's couch or why Madonna and Angelina Jolie continually adopt children from third-world countries or why Suzanne Somers feels qualified to give medical advice about a risky plastic surgery technique in her latest book.

So when I hear on the news that Wesley Snipes has been indicted on federal criminal charges for allegedly filing $12 million in fraudulent refunds and not filing tax returns for six years, I'm not really surprised. He's just another victim of the observer effect. He's spent too much time in front of the camera and now he's coming up with elaborate schemes to steal money from the government as if he were really Simon Phoenix (without the cool Chad Johnson-esque mohawk). And, once indicted, Snipes has been eluding the cops just like Mark J. Sheridan in U.S. Marshals. Perhaps the police should enlist Tommy Lee Jones to do a hard-target search of every gas station, residence, warehouse, farmhouse, henhouse, outhouse and doghouse in that area. Seriously though, I wish Wesley Snipes the best and hope it all works out for him. I'm sure the government will seize his assets, but he can always win his money back with the help of Woody Harrelson in a two-on-two street basketball tournament.

It's also why I don't even bat an eye when I hear that Anna Nicole Smith has several men claiming to be the father of her new baby and that she put off her son's funeral until after she married her lawyer named Howard Stern. It sounds like the plot of a bad soap opera, but is really nothing more than Anna Nicole Smith falling victim to the observer effect. We should expect nothing less from her.

So what can be done about this? Where is this trend headed? I think celebrities will start acting crazier and crazier as the pressure of constantly being watched continues to get to them. T.O. will find a way to top his bizarre non-suicide attempt, Mike Tyson will fight mountain lions on pay-per-view and Tom Cruise will keep couch jumping and having super-secret Asian babies.

I know it sounds bleak, but I'm an optimist. In my last column, I talked about "jumping the shark." Perhaps as celebrities get crazier and crazier and the headlines get more outlandish, our society will stop obsessing over celebrities so much and some of the celebrity magazines, television show and web sites will fade away (sorry Laura). Maybe then, we can let these celebrities out from under the microscope and let them be themselves.

Random thought of the week:
A therapist is someone who is paid to listen to your problem. Most people just share their problems with their friends. So really, a therapist is just someone you are paying to be your friend.

Joel Murphy is the creator of HoboTrashcan, which is probably why he has his own column. He also has some really hot friends. You can contact him at murphyslaw@hobotrashcan.com.