 No Whammies, no Whammies ... Stop!
I'm going to sound like such an old man when I say this, but I'm going to say it anyway ... they just don't make game shows like they used to. When I was growing up, we had great game shows like Password, Family Feud and Hollywood Squares.
Of course, none of those compared to the best game show of the 80s, Press Your Luck, which was hosted by Peter Tomarken (who sadly died earlier this year in a plane crash while trying to transport a patient to a hospital). On Press Your Luck, contestants answered questions to earn spins on a big prizeboard and the show featured these little cartoon "Whammies" that would steal all of your cash if you landed on them. While the show was a bit simplistic, there was some strategy involved because you could pass spins to other contestants hoping they would hit a Whammy and go broke. Plus, the little animated cartoon Whammies were so cheese and ridiculous that they made it fun to watch. Recently, they tried to bring back Press Your Luck, but they changed the name to Whammy and added computer graphics and some douchebag host. It just wasn't the same. Lately, there has been a run of new game shows on primetime television, but none of them match up to those classic shows from the 70s and 80s. Like everything else in Hollywood these days, the ideas just seem played out or lazy and the fun of those classic shows is nowhere to be found. It all started with Deal or No Deal (and it's Spanish counterpart Vas o No Vas), which has to be the dumbest idea for a game show in the history of the world. I would actually love to hear the pitch for that show. I mean, how did they sell it to the NBC executives? It's not even a show. It's just some moron standing around with a suitcase randomly picking other suitcases and getting offered arbitrary sums of money to quit playing. I would definitely take the money - but mainly because I would be way too fucking bored to stand there and play that retarded game, especially with Howie Mandel lurking beside me. Don't get me wrong, I'm glad that Howie Mandel can once again afford to buy groceries, but I definitely don't want to spend an extended period of time with the guy. And, of course, once Deal or No Deal started getting huge ratings (bringing a single tear to the eyes of me and every other fan of intellectual television shows like The Wire), everyone attempted to come up with their own moronic game show – complete with washed-up celebrity hosts. NBC, apparently deciding that one stupid game show wasn't soul crushing enough, debuted another show called 1 vs. 100. The show is hosted by Bob "I once sucked a guy's dick for coke" Saget (who has a great song going around on YouTube right now called "Danny Tanner Was Not Gay"). On 1 vs. 100, a player competes against a "mob" of, you guessed it, 100 people. Both the player and the mob are asked a series of multiple-choice trivia questions. If the player answers a question incorrectly, then that contestant is eliminated and the mob members who answered the question correctly split the cash. If the player answers correctly, then any mob member who got the question wrong is eliminated. Then, I think eventually it breaks down into a bare-knuckle boxing competition or something. Frankly, I got really bored reading the description of the show and I had the "Danny Tanner Was Not Gay" song stuck in my head, so it was difficult to concentrate. I think 1 vs. 100 has potential to be a really cool show, but it needs some tweaking. I think the contestant should be locked in a mall and the 100 mob members should actually be zombies who are trying to eat the contestant's brains. And, instead of answering dumb trivia questions, the contestant either has to fight his or her way to freedom or succumb to the sweet release of death. I think that's a show with a lot of potential. Fox had a game show called The Rich List, which premiered November 1. It had something to do with making lists and being locked in an isolation booth, but the show got cancelled after only one episode, so it's not like it really matters. The other new game show hoping to capture what advertisers refer to as the "idiot" demographic is Show Me The Money, which is obviously an homage to when Cuba Gooding Jr. and Tom Cruise still had movie careers. The show is hosted by William Shatner and promos on ABC actually advertise the program as being "Shat-tastic" (which, ironically, is how I have often described ABC's handling of the show Lost). The show has something to do with answering trivia questions and choosing dancers who are holding scrolls, but again I zoned out while reading the show's description (this time it was William Shatner's rendition of "Rocket Man" that was playing over and over again in my head). I'm not sure how the show works, but I'm sure it's absolutely Shat-tastic. I suppose I could just ignore these new shows and hope they go away. I can try not to judge the morons who actually enjoy Deal or No Deal and just be happy that Bob Saget got a better gig than hosting America's Funniest Home Videos. But, I'm a big fan of game shows and there aren't a lot of good ones out there. I suppose I could watch that smarmy bastard Alex Trebek on Jeopardy!, but it's not the same unless Sean Connery is calling him a "rogue." The only good game show left is The Price Is Right, but sadly Bob Barker announced he will be retiring from the show next year. Apparently, he got tired of bedding Barker's Beauties (check out that alliteration) and decided to spend his days playing golf with Adam Sandler instead. I guess I'll keep watching game shows though. I'll keep checking out the new ones in hope of finding a quality show and hoping for no Whammies along the way. In the meantime, I'll take "The Rapist" for 100, Alex.
Random thought of the week: Joel Murphy is the creator of HoboTrashcan, which is probably why he has his own column. He also has some really hot friends. You can contact him at murphyslaw@hobotrashcan.com.
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