Show's over

As long as I can remember, the warm blue glow of the television set has helped sustain me. I come from a long line of television watchers and consider it an important part of my heritage.

But right about now, I'm fucking fed up with the crap that's going on in Hollywood.

When television and movie writers first struck, I felt solidarity even though I'm not a member of any union, and I don't really see myself benefiting from better access to digital revenue streams for writers anytime soon.

I still felt the producers really didn't give a damn about the writers, and I admired the union for standing up for their beliefs. The videos I saw online of actors marching alongside writers made me feel like I had chosen the right side in this fight.

Then I turned on my TV this week and found shit like Battle of the Choirs and Duel, hosted by ESPN"s resident nancy boy Mike Greenberg.

This is what the strike gives me? This is how I benefit from 39 years, four months and six days of sitting in front of the TV?

When I was 10, I dislocated my elbow at wrestling practice. The doctors had a hard time snapping things back into place because my body produced so much adrenaline after the injury. I spent several hours at the hospital getting pumped full of pain medication until they could take care of me.

After my parents took me home, did I curl up with a book? Hell to the no. I laid on the couch and watched the episode of Eight is Enough that they had taped for me earlier in the evening.

That's real family love - making sure someone's favorite show gets recorded when they are hopped up on goofballs in the hospital. And this was the late 1970s so we didn't have anything cool like Tivo. Someone had to manually set the tape on a VCR that was about the size of a modern day washing machine.

I dedicate myself to television like that, and it repays me with Celebrity Apprentice, where the only interesting thing is how NBC can play fast and loose with the word celebrity.

They have seemed to at least try to pique my interest by including a Playboy playmate and softball hottie Jennie Finch on there, but I don't think that's enough to overcome an ultimate fighter and Gene Simmons.

I'm really mad that Kid Nation's run on CBS ended right about the time all the other shows ran out of first-run episodes. Even though I loved those kids for the past two months, they would have served as a great way to ease the pain of losing my other shows.

Thank God for cable because if my only options were that and Greenberg, I might just go find a building to jump off for kicks.

Some people - and I call them not smart people - complain that cable has too many channels with no interesting programs on. Well now is the time to prove that wrong as the traditional networks go down the crapper at an incredible rate of speed.

With the holidays on the horizon, my wife and I took time to watch a whole bunch of Bible shows on the National Geographic Channel or NatGeo as they now call themselves. Since we pretty much couldn't stay awake for either show, I don't think the snazzy new name is changing people's outlook on documentaries.

We also plan on digging into our DVD library. The cool thing about this is that we can pretend the shows we have whole seasons of are really new shows on the networks.

I can't wait to get into this "brand new" show about a radio station in Cincinnati. I expect lots of wacky hijinks from this crew. We also have several seasons of the madcap staff at Sacred Heart Hospital.

But beyond the DVDs and history shows lie reruns you know by heart. TV Land has graciously put MASH on almost every night from 8 to 9. I grew up watching the show several times every day because my mother was addicted. And since this was back when you only had a handful of channels, there wasn't anything else to watch.

So I have reacquainted myself with Hawkeye, BJ, Col. Potter and Frank Burns. They will just have to tide me over until the writers and producers find a way to settle this thing. Or at least until the new season of Big Brother starts in February. That's how bad things have gotten. I'm waiting for Big Brother to rescue me.

The television industry is so undeserving of my love right now.

Brian Shea is probably enjoying a beer in his basement right now. You can contact him at columns@regularguycolumn.com.