Megatouch

A little less than two years ago, I set out on a monumental quest. I actually rolled up my sleeves and did physical labor so I could have a place to myself in our house.

We don't have the biggest house, so I had trouble finding a place to do the things guys like to do, such as play video games and watch football without having to worry about how loud I yelled at the TV.

Our basement has several spots where it leaks, but I set out to eliminate them as much as I could a couple of years ago by covering about half of the place with waterproof paint.

Since I consider writing a check my greatest home improvement skill, the whole thing amazes me even more. We still have problems in one corner where I painted and probably always will, but I set out to do something and succeeded.

The "man cave" (as we like to call it) has served me well over the last 20 months or so. I have my HDTV down there so I can enjoy sports the way God intended. I have a Playstation so I can take advantage of the thumb dexterity I built up playing Donkey Kong 20 years ago. And I have a computer so I can waste time whenever I want.

But my family went on vacation to South Carolina for the week between Christmas and New Year's, and I know have a new goal for the man cave.

I need a Megatouch.

Okay, that's just the latest thing that I think I need, but I think it has rocketed to the top of the list.

For those who don't know, Megatouch is that video game machine that sits on top of many bars. You can play dozens of game on it using the touch screen. You might know it because some creepy guy keeps playing Erotic Photo Hunt on it while he drinks a beer alone.

But Megatouch is more than Photo Hunt, erotic or not. There's a Yahtzee game, tons of different card games and trivia.

I need to sit in my basement playing those games. Other people can come and visit if they want. I might even take a break and let them play.

I didn't get to play as much Megatouch as I wanted to on my vacation because the one in the unit where I stayed didn't work. Coming from a big family paid off because I could go to two other places to try and find an empty seat in front of the machine.

That was hard because we're all addicted to these things. Maybe I could buy a Megatouch, invite my family over and charge them to play it. I could retire in no time. I might even make enough money to buy a big video game machine.

The houses had those too. You could play Pac Man, Donkey Kong, Frogger – all the classics. I need one of those for the man cave as well. And a Wii. And a slot machine. And a video poker machine. And a Skeeball alley.

It's not that I don't want to spend time with my wife and daughter. It's not my fault my wife has no interest in playing these kinds of things. My daughter got hooked some on the trip so I look at this quest as a way to spend more time with her. She'd just have to make sure to head back up to the girly part of the house when I needed some time to myself.

I have hunted around and found some Megatouch systems on eBay. I need to start saving money and putting the finishing touches on the basement. Once I got the initial work done, I kind of slacked off.

I can't put all this time and effort into getting a Megatouch without making the surroundings more impressive. I might need to paint the rest of the basement and put up a bar. I know people will want to come over for a visit so I need to make them as comfortable as possible.

All that will require me to do more work. I already put in a lot of time painting two years ago. I don't know if I can go through that again just for a Megatouch.

Who am I kidding? Of course I can. I need to stand proudly in front of the machine that hardly anyone else uses and show off all my high scores. That's what having a man cave is all about.

Brian Shea is probably enjoying a beer in his basement right now. You can contact him at columns@regularguycolumn.com.