By the numbers

Two years ago today, HoboTrashcan made it's debut on the Internets. I've been trying to think of a creative way to commemorate our anniversary and, as much as I enjoyed writing last year's Year One: A look back column, I wanted to do something a little different this year.

So, in honor of the site officially entering into it's terrible twos, I assembled our crack research team (which consists of Hobo Stu, RoboTron 4000 and the children in our Indonesian sweat shop) and I asked them all to comb through the archives and assemble this very special retrospective, which I call "HoboTrashcan - By the Numbers."

After countless hours of extensive research and copious amounts of whining and complaining, they came back with some very interesting observations. I really hope you enjoy the fruits of their labor, but even if you don't, don't worry - I barely paid them anything for their work.

Thanks crack research team for all of your hard work. Thank you to all of the columnists and contributors of HoboTrashcan for all of your hard work and dedication over the past two years. And, most of all, even though it sounds trite as hell, thanks to all of you for coming back to the site each week. I'm counting on all of you to make me rich someday.

Without further ado, I present HoboTrashcan - By the Numbers ...

Columns
Columnists	12
Columnists who have been with the site since the beginning	3
Defunct columns	4
Defunct columns written by women	3
Female columnists still writing for the site	1
Columnists using an alias	4
Male columnists using an alias because their first name is actually Courtney	1
Real name that sounds like an alias	Tashina Savage
Total number of individual columns written	296
Most individual columns written	Joel Murphy (54)
	Brian Murphy (53)
	Ned Bitters (49)
Least individual columns written	Bular (1)
Longest individual column title	An open letter to the douchebag sitting next to me at the Louis C.K. show
Shortest individual column title	WTF
Columnists who have referred to themselves as a "total package of rock star sexiness"	7
Members of Ned Bitters family who he told about his column	0
Counting his wife	Still 0
Columns that have a disclaimer at the beginning	1
Columns that compared ESPN to Nazi Germany	1
Columns that compared gay men to Marines	1
Free pot pies received because of a column	4
Times Brian Murphy has used "Brenda Warner" as a reason a team won't win the Super Bowl	4
Total number of things that have pissed Joel Murphy off	54
Times Jimmy Fallon was mentioned in a "Things that piss me off" column	5

One on One
Celebrities interviewed	34
Celebrities interviewed more than once	2
Male celebrities interviewed	27
Female celebrities interviewed	7
Actors interviewed	15
Musicians interviewed	5
Professional poker players interviewed	4
Professional athletes interviewed	4
Professional wrestlers interviewed	3
Television writers interviewed	2
Cast members from The Wire interviewed	4
Cast members from The Office interviewed	3
Ugandan Giants interviewed	1
Celebrities who were woken up by our phone call	1
Celebrities who took themselves way too seriously	1
Celebrities who sounded like they wanted to throw a punch at the interviewer	1
Most read celebrity interviews	Angela Kinsey
	Michael K. Williams
	Rachel Luttrell
Most popular responses for "The future" in word association	Bright (8)
	Exciting (3)
Celebrities who refused to do word association	2

Photo sets
Just Friend girls	6
Total number of photos of Just Friends girls	44
Number of Joel and I are Just Friends thongs sold	0
Photo sets done by Tara	13
Total number of photos of Tara	186
Photos of Tara topless, covering her breasts	15
Photos of Tara dressed like Abraham Lincoln	15
Number of Joel's drunk friends Tara has had to help get back to his/her hotel room	1
Number of times that friend has been mocked since the incident	37

Hobo Stu
Total number of Hobo Stu's friends on MySpace	2223
Total number of Hobo Stu's friends in real life	7
Times Stu has been shot	4
Times Stu has been hit on at the office Christmas party	22
Times Vic Viggler was the one hitting on him	18

Hobo Radio
Date of first Hobo Radio podcast	06/06/06
Total number of Hobo Radio podcasts	33
Longest number of days between two episodes	152
Appearances by RoboTron 4000	2
Amount of time RoboTron spoke during those appearances	29 seconds
Profanities used by RoboTron during those 29 seconds (if you count "metallic balls" as a profanity)	8
Which is an average of one profanity every	3.6 seconds
Times Brian Murphy had to literally phone in his appearance on the show	4
Times Brian and Joel figuratively phoned it in	17

Overall
Years HoboTrashcan has existed	2
Weeks HoboTrashcan has provided new content	102
Times a HoboTrashcan writer has been stopped on the street and asked for an autograph	0
People who actually read the Management Update on the main page	3
Weeks left before the site jumps the shark	6

Happy anniversary, HoboTrashcan!

Joel Murphy is the creator of HoboTrashcan, which is probably why he has his own column. He also has some really hot friends. You can contact him at murphyslaw@hobotrashcan.com.