Bacon and Legs – Cowboys 4 Angel Food Cake (Gigolos-inspired recipe)

Fontina Turner

Fontina Turner

I’d say I have a handful of guilty pleasures, but I don’t really care for the term. I have a handful of interests that lie outside of the spectrum of sophisticated entertainment and I am not ashamed of it. (I actually have way more than a handful of these, but that’s not as poetic-sounding.) I enjoy Katy Perry, reruns of The Girls Next Door and, pertinent to this column, Gigolos on Showtime.

This fairly-staged reality show follows the employees of the Las Vegas escort service, Cowboys4Angels. While I’m not really sure how realistic some of these situations are, I can vouch for how entertaining they are. Each of the guys embodies a little reality show, two-dimensional character, but they do it with a hell of a lot of swagger. Nick, the bad boy, is the most lovable bad boy on TV. Brace, the ditz, is hilarious and confident. Vin, the nerd, is obviously my favorite and a mature, put-together lad. Ash, the spiritual one, is sensual and caring. Bradley, the small-town boy, is super sweet and attentive to his ladies.

You can say all you want to about the show. It is what it is. It’s hot guys having sex with ladies that supposedly pay them. It’s a fun watch. And season six is premiering March 17. (So tune in and watch the guys totally wreck LV.)

To get penis pumped for the premiere, I’ve made a delectable Man Candy Layer Cake. Banana cake with a creamy, nut filling (what else?) is covered in buttercream and nanner candies and then topped with blow pops and carbonated sugar (fancy unflavored Pop Rocks) that explode in your mouth, not in your hand.

So pop some in your mouth and cross your fingers for lots of naked Vin this season.

* I kept the amount of candies to a minimum with this cake, but if you want to absolutely cover it, a few other topic-appropriate treats include: Mounds, Oh Henry, Whoppers, Chunky, Payday, Lik a Stik … feel free to leave others in the comment section.

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Man Candy Layer Cake
Author: 
 
Ingredients
Banana cake recipe from Martha Stewart
Buttercream recipe adapted  from Eat Now Cry Later
For cake
  • 1 stick unsalted butter, room temperature
  • 2¼ cups AP flour
  • ¾ tsp baking soda
  • ½ tsp baking powder
  • ½ tsp salt
  • 1½ cups sugar
  • 3 large eggs, separated
  • 1 cup mashed banana (2-3 bananas)
  • ½ cup buttermilk
  • 1 tsp vanilla
For filling
  • 8 oz cream cheese, room temperature
  • ½ cup powdered sugar
  • ½ cup buttermilk
  • 1 tsp vanilla
  • 1 cup chopped walnuts, toasted
For buttercream
  • 1 stick unsalted butter, room temperature
  • 1 tsp vanilla
  • 1 tsp buttermilk
  • ½ cup mashed banana (about 1 banana)
  • 2-3 cups powdered sugar
For decorating
  • candy bananas
  • Pop Rocks
  • Blow Pops
  • other candy, if desired
Instructions
  1. Preheat oven to 350°F. Grease and flour 2 8-inch cake pans.
  2. In a large bowl, sift together flour, baking soda, baking powder and salt.
  3. In a mixing bowl, cream together butter and sugar. Add in egg yolks, one at a time.
  4. In a third bowl, combine mashed banana and buttermilk.
  5. Slowly incorporate flour mixture and banana mixture, alternating between the two and ending on the flour.
  6. In a fourth bowl (so many bowls!), beat egg whites until they are stiff. Fold into the batter.
  7. Divide the batter into the two pans and bake for 30-35 minutes or until a toothpick comes out clean.
  8. Let cool in pans for 5 minutes, then remove to a cooling rack.
  9. Meanwhile, beat the first four filling ingredients until blended. Fold in the walnuts, set aside.
  10. Beat butter with a mixer for 5-6 minutes. Add in vanilla, buttermilk and banana. Beat for another minute or two. Slowly incorporate powdered sugar until desired consistency.
  11. When cake is cool, level off one layer. Spread filling over the layer and top with the other cake. Frost and decorate.

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Fontina Turner, a food blogger and graphic designer from Philadelphia, makes classy-as-fuck comfort food and consumes an unhealthy amount of cheeses and craft beers. She can be found in the kitchen, at the bar, on Twitter or trying to make H. Jon Benjamin love her. Contact her at thelegs@baconandlegs.com.

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